Now, at long last, help is available!
Ask your doctor about AUHAN DAHN, the little purple pill that can give you a full, non-itching groin for a great night’s sleep when used as directed.
Do not take Auhan Dahn if you are addicted to hominy grits, occasionally drink kerosene, are under treatment for Sally Struthers Disease, or sometimes bark at the moon. Side effects may include neuralgia, constipation, stuffy head and speeches, loss of hearing in elevators, continuous belching, persistent memory of clowns, sniffles, maggot breath, compulsion to do long division, inability to speak Spanish, bearing children with heads of pigs, addiction to “American Idol,” sudden growth of earlobes, stuttering on words beginning with Q, automatic crossing of fingers when lying, coughing if told to look away, loss of hair on one’s knees, higher gas prices, spontaneous combustion, and other less common problems. Be sure to contact your doctor if any body parts fall off.